Mommy Meltdown

Yes, it's happened, a mommy meltdown. It is so bittersweet knowing that Mac and Paisley are 10 days away from the anniversary of the day they changed our lives forever when they entered our world. {Pardon the run-on sentence, grammar friends.} Can it be? I know, I know, I say it often. Every month posting, picture and letter has led us to the 'one year', and now it's here.

What makes me most sad? It's the thought of them growing, first off. Their feet and toes won't always be so sweet to smother in kisses. They won't always think it's funny to blow on their belly. I've heard it time and again, and I believe it now more than ever- you're never ready to see them grow. As fast as this year went, I know that each year will pass even quicker, and Mr. Time doesn't care how hard I plant my feet where we are today. 

As I prep for their first birthday party, I am surrounded by memories of our first year. Am I really wishing for sleepless nights? {Crazy, right??!} Oh, my babies, how much I've loved this year with you.

Bear with me as we scroll down memory lane: 

August 2011.

August 17- In the hospital triage having urine tested for protein. I was having labor pains, but I wasn't sure what they were. I was given a concoction of drugs to make my body relax, and we went home a few hours later. On our way out, we saw Frances and Ben being admitted to birth Holden! 

August 18- Wake up, my stomach feels blah. I don't want to eat {surprisingly, considering I could polish off a massive breakfast}. I work on thank you notes off and on, but I can't shake the yuck. I take a shower after The View hoping that will make me feel better. I sit in the shower chair {bed rest = no standing at all for me} and try to let the hot water relax me. It kind of worked. 

1:30- I go to sit in the recliner temporarily moved into our room. I hadn't put the foot rest down, so I kind of leapt {the 230 lb body, ugh} into the chair and SPLAT. Water everywhere... Funny thing, Frances was hurried out of the labor and delivery room because all rooms were full, and her room was needed... by ME! Thanks, France!

August 19, 2011

I labored all night, and they were born at 5:21 and 5:42 am. I didn't get to have 'the moment' I had seen on TV or in pictures. {You know, the one where the mom makes eye contact with the baby and kisses him/her all over.} Dr. Roberts held Mac up briefly, and I asked why his face was bruised {ahem, because he spent over 2 months in my pelvic bone, that's why}. Then he had to get help with his breathing so he was taken aside. 

Then it was time to push Paisley out. I wasn't ready. I needed a time out, but that wasn't granted. Nineteen minutes later {On August 19, mind you... I just realized this}, Paisley Grace was born. I only saw a limp baby for a half second. Then Jordan rushed to be by her as she was "bagged" as they say. She wasn't responsive when she was born- her APGAR was 2. This girl is resilient, however, and she bounced back with a bang! {In her own time, of course.}

At first Paisley came to the room with us, but her blood sugar couldn't be stabilized so she joined Mac in the nursery. Shortly after, we received a phone call that Paisley was being admitted to the NICU for observation and a sugar water IV. Her sugar level pendulum swung on the way to the NICU, and she only required IV fluids and monitoring in her time there. 

Mac came to our room about an hour later. I'm not sure what was going on with him, but he came to me as soon as he could. It truly was a whirlwind, and I was plain exhausted. 

Paisley was discharged from the NICU, and this is your first time together since birth :o)

Two days later, on August 21, we left Erlanger with TWO babies in our car!!

 Our first week home!!!

 One week old pediatric appointment!

 Mac's horrible experience under the bili lights for jaundice- he and I both cried hysterically.

 First {of many!} month pic

Thanks for the walk... and tears! :o)

as always,

ashley

Happy 6 Months!!

First off, I can NOT believe you are already 6 months old- half a year!! I know I'll blink again, and you'll be in school, then off to college. I am not ready for that. Turning 6 months is emotional enough for me right now. I have tears just reflecting on these months. How they go by so fast. 

To our sweet babies:

Paisley- You still smile with your eyes, and it makes my day every time I see such sincere joy. I love that you wrinkle your nose with your smile when you get excited. You are very verbal, sweet P. You talk when you wake up from naps, when you eat, while we play, and before you go to sleep. Sometimes you talk when you wake up in the middle of the night. You have a sweet voice.... most of the time. I admit, when I'm changing your diaper and your brother is still asleep, the pacifier is a mute button. Saying "shhh" just makes you laugh. 

You love your cereal! After each bite we always say, "mmmmm," and that wrinkled nose kind of smile beams from ear to ear. Thank you for thinking I'm funny. I know God must get quite a kick out of the dancing, singing, and silliness that goes on in our home. :o)

You have certainly found your feet, and you love playing with them! You love looking at books! You enjoy sitting in the high chair so you can see everything. When being carried, you turn your head from side to side in order to see your environment. You are incredibly attentive, and if I sneak out of the room, most often you cry. I don't have to interact with you at all times, but you are secure with someone in sight. 

You are up to 2 tablespoons of cereal twice a day. We actually started a new schedule today, and I hope you adjust well. You don't nap very long- usually about 45 min to an hour. 

I am excited to watch you grow into a beautiful young lady. I hope your heart continues to be sensitive to others and forever endearing. I love you.

Mac- You are laid back and easy going. You don't get upset often, and it takes a hungry belly or tired body to make you cry. You have a sweet, open mouth smile :o) I love making you laugh since you are easily chuckled. When you're tired, you start humming. Even in your crib, you hum yourself to sleep. 

 You roll over every time I lay you on your back, and you are starting to push up on your hands. Nap times are pretty easy with you, though you are partial to me laying you down. I love holding you when you're tired because the cuddling is so sweet. :o)

Your favorite toys are your hands, your lovey, blowing raspberries with your tongue, and the play gym. You are so proud of yourself as you hit something that makes noise. You look around for praise. It's so sweet, my Macaroo.

You are such a sweet, sweet boy. I embrace our moments while I am the only girl in your life. I love you, Mac.

Here are your 6 month pictures, M and P! 

Thank you for believing that I hung the moon, sweet babies, and thank you for giving me six incredible months. Tear. :o)

-mommy and daddy

The First Cereal

Today was a fun first! Mac and Paisley got their first spoonfuls of cereal! We are giving them rice cereal, and they weren't too sure about it. Rather than describe their reactions, I took pictures for you to enjoy. :o)

Before the first bite

Mac wasn't so sure about this experience

                                                                                Paisley's turn!!

 

Paisley really loved the cereal! Mac wasn't so sure... as you can probably tell. 

High chair shopping is still on my to do list. 

A day in the shoes... We went to Target today and got caught in a monsoon! It was time to feed the babies so I made my way to the dressing room. After getting Mac out of the car seat, I saw that he had pooped all over himself- what we call a "blow out" around here. Of course I didn't have the diaper bag. Luckily one of my college roommates, Andrea, had come into town to visit, and she took the cart to the front to check out while I put Mac back in the car seat.... Then I left Andrea (who is 20 weeks pregnant) at the front with the babies in the stroller. I ran to the car... jeans rolled up, hair dripping wet, the works- what a sight it must have been! I got to the car and drove on the sidewalk to get Andrea and the babies... Then we headed home... typical. :o)

Next time I will do better about checking the weather... and the presence of the diaper bag.

-ashley

PS- forgive the spacing and random picture set up... It looks correct and organized on my screen, but the published screen is different.

5 months old!

Mac and Paisley are 5 whole months old today!! I am enjoying this stage SO much as they continue to show me what fun personalities they have. It feels like everyday they are doing something new :o)

Mac- you are such a sweet chunk. You melt our hearts with your sweet, calm nature. When you wake up from a nap, you lay there and look around while you suck on your fingers. Then when you see me, you get an ear to ear grin. You've been giving your dad lots of quality time with all the football that's been on our tv. While I know you're not into the game (despite what your dad says, ha!), flashing lights have attracted you since you were a newborn. 

Your favorite toys are rattles, the bouncer, and your hands. You rolled over from front to back for the first time this week, and just last night you rolled onto your stomach! It upset you being on your stomach because you were too tired to roll onto your back. We knew this was coming because you've been rolling to your side every time we lay you in the crib.

This is how I found you during nap today. 

You've outgrown most 3-6 month clothes, and we are starting you in 6-9 or 6-12 month sizes. 

At night you drink 8 oz before bed. This is the only time you get a bottle, and you do well with alternating between nursing and bottles-- Although we both prefer you nursing as it is my favorite time. The bond between us through nursing is so incredibly special. Dad says you'll never ween. :o)

You are ticklish in your neck and legs, and you love to cuddle. During bath you smile and kick until your exhaustion sets in... then your bottom lip comes out, and I know you're ready for bed.

Mac, you sleep 12+ hours every night, and you've been doing this since being moved into your crib at 12 weeks. You're not so much a nap fan, but you end up getting about an hour's sleep at each nap. What a joy you are! 

Paisley- I love that you're my girl. You are such a curious one-- you always strain your neck to face ahead when being carried so that you can see where we're going and what is happening around us. Even when you're eating, you are easily distracted.

This week you found your thumb! It's so sweet to see you wrap your little hand around your nose while you soothe yourself. We think this is why you've started sleeping 12+ hours at night. It's been 2 nights of this, and we are excited for this discovery you've made.

Notice I was sorting socks. Paisley didn't seem to mind holding them down for me.

Until Tuesday night, you were waking up at about 3-4 in the morning. Dad would come get you, feed you a bottle, and lay you back down to sleep. We haven't been encouraging you to sleep longer since we've been sensitive to your weight. We were waking you up to feed at midnight then letting you wake us up the second time, but after seeing the GI, we were off the hook for the first feeding. He said if you were sleeping to let you sleep. 

Your favorite toys are your soft bunny with a rattle inside, the swing, and the bumbo. You also like being silly with us as we dance around the room. I love singing 'hey, girl do your thing, do your thing now switch' with you. Your sweet face lights up with that big toothless grin. I love that you smile with your eyes. When you're really upset, you snort when you cry. Such a girl :o) Your emotions are so tender. I like to remind your dad that we (girls) are created this way. 

The 0-3 month clothes are too short on your arms and legs so you're in 3-6 month sizes. You're a dainty beauty, sweet Paisley. 

You love bath too, and you scoot down your bath chair as far as you can go. We joke about needing a seat belt for you. During bath you like to suck on your wash cloth and kick your brother. You splash him a lot, but he doesn't seem bothered.

At bedtime, you drink 6-7 oz with a 3/4 scoop of Neocate. You were also getting the formula in your middle of the night feedings. You aren't a fan of the formula flavor so we had to cut the dosage in half. You are quite picky- you like your bottle at just the right temperature too. You already keep us on our toes. We are smitten by you, Paisley Grace Allen.

Both of you can produce some major crocodile tears, and you're beginning to show us some resistance to certain things by arching your backs. You both talk (and slober!) all the time. I am excited to start you on cereal and introduce you to foods! We will do this once we get the okay from the GI-- hopefully next week!

Happy 5 months, Mac and Paisley!! We are so in love with our sweet babies.

Babies' First Christmas!!

We celebrated Mac and Paisley's first Christmas this year.. well actually it was last year, but you know what I mean. ;-)

We visited our families for a week, and it was so much fun to have babies this year! How blessed we felt as we shared in the joyous holiday with our new family members! 

I'm pretty tight with our routine at home, but I am more flexible when we are out of town for a few reasons...
     1. It's almost impossible to maintain our exact day, and it's not worth it for me to stress out trying to do so.
     2. I hope to never discourage our family's desire to love on the babies... even through nap. 

We spent the first couple of days with Jordan's parents. Our trip began a day earlier than my family expected, so we were able to surprise my mom and brother at their work! (Not the same place.) These babies were quite the hit. I mean, they are pretty cute. 

Christmas Eve was a special experience for us. Last year we sat through the message and left with a changed heart about our infertility. After we left the service (last year), I went home and started the gonadotropin injections.... and this year we sat in the service holding two precious miracles. It was surreal. It still is. And here we are:

Jordan holding Paisley, Dad, me, and Mom holding Mac.

 We went to my mom's after church and celebrated the eve of Jesus' birth with my aunt Dee, uncle Larry, cousin Donna and her daughter Dreya, and my immediate family- Mom, Dad, brother Jeff, and our niece Lilly. 

Christmas morning I left Mac and Paisley in their "Baby's First Christmas" pajamas:

We went to Jordan's brother's house Christmas afternoon. Mac and Paisley had 3 cousins anxiously awaiting their arrival! We got to meet their new family member- an adorable puppy named 'Nash'. 

Caitlin, Paxton, Kyle holding Nash, and Blake

Christmas vacation ended, and we were all anxious to get home. Mac and Paisley did great on our 7 day trip. Coming home was bittersweet... M and P were ready to be in their own beds, but we certainly miss our family! 


It's late, but MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!!!! 

-ashley