The Struggle is Real

I'm writing with a different mindset. I always write from my heart, but I don't always share the truth behind the writer. Here's my truth: I struggle. There is a loooong list of areas where I am not Christ centered or focused, and I am only saved by the precious blood of Jesus. His grace that pours into me is real, and it overwhelms my sinful, undeserving soul. 

As I thought on this post, I couldn't figure out what to title or where to focus. Joy versus happiness, struggles, faith- all areas I could share. Then it hit me that I am among brothers and sisters who, like me, struggle through one, two, or ten things.

My truth is this... life isn't perfect, I am impatient with my kids, critical of my husband, controlling, often focused on materialism, and exercise to fit back into my skinny jeans. There. It's out there..... and I may puke.

Kids... My kids are amazing, prayed for, and completely adored. But they whine, are needy, make messes, don't listen every time, push my limits, and straight up get on my nerves sometimes. In moments like this, it's a battle to remember that I am working for the King {Colossians 3:23, Ephesians 6:7} rather than these energy absorbing kiddos we are raising. However, in the midst of chaos when I feel my chest is about to explode, I don't always fall to my knees. I often let the enemy magnify little things that make me so overwhelmed I stand on the edge of crazy.

I have an idea of how things should be done. When they aren't completed how I would do it, I may choose to make mention. Rather than being grateful for a teammate, sometimes I choose to critique because my own insecurities prevail. Yet He still loves and pursues me: husband and Creator.

I dream of a large, Kardashian-like closet in my 6 bedroom lake house where we host family gatherings and social festivities. The Bible is pretty clear on this ugly ideal. Not that having nice things is wrong, it's where my heart and motivation lie.

So with this confession of my trials, I will share where my eyes are lead and my heart pursues:
When I am weak, HE is strong. In the midst of my anxiety, He is steadfast. When I seek earthly happiness, I am reminded that Jesus didn't die for my happiness, he gave his life for my soul. {Isn't my soul of exponential value compared to anything on earth?}

Bottom line: I am held in the palm of His hands wherever I am.

As I hope for grace from my Heavenly Father, I must practice giving my family and myself grace. When I am flustered, He pops into my head about how flustering I can be because I just won't listen... or surrender.

 I don't have it all together, but I am a daughter of a King who does. 

So today I want to reciprocate the encouragement I have received.
No matter the issue, we are not alone, and He meets us where we are in that very struggle. We just have to turn from ourselves and accept Him.

as always,

ashley